Addicted to HPT¹s by Karen Squires

HPT means Home Pregnancy Test and they are without a doubt, addictive. Alcoholics try to hide their addiction, so do women addicted HPT¹s. I know because I¹m one of them.

I found HPT¹s at the dollar store for, you guessed it, a dollar. I was so
excited. I only grabbed one test the first time I saw them. I ran home and used it right away. I got a BFN (Big Fat Negative). Of course I was only 7 days after ovulation so what could I expect.

The next day, after lying to my husband and telling him that I needed to
run and get some shampoo, I was back at the dollar store for more. I bought five this time, figuring that if I ran one a day I would have enough to last until 12 days after ovulation. I always get a positive by 11 days after ovulation so I had enough to see if I had a baby in me this cycle.

Two days later I had used them all up and was back at the store needing more shampoo.

I bought another five tests. I was now 10 days after ovulation. Five more would last me until my next cycle started, which I hoped wouldn¹t come.

As I drove home I tried desperately to remember when I had gone to the bathroom last. I needed to hold my urine for at least 4 hours to let the pregnancy hormone build up. I remembered that it had only been about one and 1/2 hours. It was now 10:00 am, I¹ll have to wait until 12:30pm.

I told myself that when I got home I¹d do the dishes, vacuum, dust, paint the bathroom, anything to keep my mind off of running the test. I pulled in the driveway, ran straight to the bathroom, and peed in a cup. Another BFN. Dang it.

I have no self control. I¹ll have to start all over again.
It¹s now 11 am. I have to hold my urine until 3 pm to let the hormone (if
there is any) build up again.

At 1:30 pm I run another test. BFN! Dang it all to heck!

What is my problem. And I get frustrated at my kids not having
any patience. I decide to go to the mall to make sure that I can¹t run another test for a few hours. I am tempted to take a test with me to use at the bathroom in the mall just in case I can¹t control myself but I remember that I¹ll have my five year old with me which would make it hard to run a test there.

Off to the mall I go having made it out the door without a test hidden in my purse.

I have now gone most of the day with out drinking as I don¹t want to dilute my urine and make what might be a BFP(Big Fat Positive) turn into a BFN by having too much water in my bladder. I am thirsty, frustrated and getting crabbier and crabbier by the minute.

We walk around the mall, me trying to get a peak at the baby and maternity things, but a five year old has no need for those so I don¹t even get a fix by doing that.

Two hours later we are bored and my son is begging to come home and eat. I look at my watch. I can¹t go home yet, I just can¹t. I tell my son that I¹ll buy him something to eat, get him a toy, anything to stay there a little longer. He sees the desperation in my eyes and agrees to let me buy him a Hot Wheels car and some chicken strips. That uses up another hour.

Soon he wants to go home again and no amount of bribing works this
time. It¹s only been three hours now so I take the long way home. I keep hearing a little voice from the back seat telling me that I¹ve gone the wrong way and a tiny finger points to the east telling me to turn that way NOW! Okay, Okay, we¹ll go home.

It¹s been three and 1/2 hours and I¹m so thirsty that I can hardly swallow. We pull into the driveway, I run into the house, down the hall to the bathroom, and run another test. Another BFN!!! Dang it! Dang it! Dang it all to HECK! Grrrr.

I had ran the rest of the tests by the next day at noon and since it was
now 11 days after ovulation and I still hadn¹t got my BFP I knew that Aunt Flo and her dog spot would find me soon.

On to the next cycle. I am going to have more self control next time.

A few days later I really do need some shampoo and tell dear hubby that I need to run and get some. He gives me a funny look and asks ³Didn¹t you just get some a few days ago?²

I walk into the dollar store knowing that I¹m safe from my addiction for
another two weeks but as I walk past the HPT¹s to the shampoo I notice that they only have 20 tests left. I panic. What if they are all gone in two weeks, what will I do, where will I go. I grab all 20 tests and head to the cash register, kicking myself all the way there.

When I get home I find a good place to hide them, way in the back of the closet.

My husband calls from the shower and asks me for the shampoo. I¹m still in the process of hiding the tests and I call back to him, my mind still in an addictive fog, Shampoo! What shampoo?

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